Prelude to Hope

...and loves only wish was to be free. So a solemn face hangs with moonlight upon its flesh. On the daunting day that breath leaves, this you'll take along with you. The only thing that mattered was having a love so true. This vehicle moves around the earth for sometimes a hundred years. At the beginning of life you are so eagerly awaited, so anticipated, so completely loved without even a soul having known your face. The joy you bring to the world when you arrive is monumental. There are parties, decorations, and gifts to ensure your well being and happiness. People travel from all over to see you, photograph you, kiss you and hold you in their arms. They care for you unconditionally, and welcome you to the world with the brightest smiles, kindest words, and excited praise. They would do anything for you, to protect you, to make a happy life for you, to see that you have everything you need. Now that the standard for love has been set, it is natural to find disappointment going forward.

When these silly childhood years have past, when all seemed painted with a hazy pinkish light, and the burdens of the world start ripping through the veil, you realize exactly where you are. The smoggy grayish air fills your sights now, the blackest tar of exasperated loneliness comes searching. Everywhere you turn something has withered or been broken. The hues of pink are gone, the scents of jasmine torn from your senses, the warmth in your chest has drained. Haven't you found a better place? Haven't your eyes gazed upon some promising endeavor? Haven't your ears heard a vibration of joy, or a fragrance that has captivated your sense of smell? Haven't your lips been pressed against an other's...as you absorb their every emotion? No. These are things that dreams are made of. The showers of stars dancing down from the skies, are all but saved for some other being. The raindrops that cascade down fleshy hills greet you daily as you look upon the mangled reflection you cast. Where could a heart go to seek refuge? A mile away, ten thousand? Perhaps these inner thoughts are purgatory for your lackluster, for your anxious mind and torturous indecisiveness.

Where then is an escape? How far can one go in this manner? What havoc can be held at bay? At the edge of the world where no man has been, there lies a stormy cliff with a horizon never-ending. A calm sea lies below, with water so still it looks as though it is made of glass. Your voice will call til it's emptiness resounds upon the waters below. Dare you spread your wings to fly? Dare not; for the gripping of binds that tie you, only greaten as you writhe. Banish your mind from its home and fill it with anything to satisfy the newly vacant spaces. Never will you find anything to extract the emotion that lives within your soul. But what if you deemed yourself soul-less? Should you then not have emotion? Ah, but even soul-less creatures carry an empty space to fill. What has taken residency in yours? The burdens you wear whether inside or outside shall destroy you in every way! To find a freedom of such a world, such a thought, such a feeling... you must surrender.

Abandon your every thought, feeling and desire. Most of us cannot. You see there lives a little shadow that's always where you go. You'll never escape it, but never find it, he is called hope.

Desolate Speculation

A heart in plated glass stares out into the world. The velvet of the navy skies, hold her closely. Brilliant white stars look down at her and smile, almost as though they are welcoming her to them. The vastness of the atmosphere isn't unsettling. It surrounds her like a warm embrace from a distant loved one. She reaches out, stretching her limbs to connect with their gracious ambiance, but alas the thick, hard barrier keeps them just out of reach.

Soon the sun arrives, and the lovely nights all but forgotten. Warm rays of light kiss along her fragile skin through the walls of glass. Greetings of excitement of what could be; promise of cheerful outcomes. Billowy clouds sail across the pale ocean above, and the wind dances with the tree tops. She smiles feeling lively, and rejuvenated, but once again her efforts are held at bay.

Her spirit seems to burst from within, pinning itself against the taunting glass. If not for such a prison, she could float among the stratosphere, and whirl about the galaxy with her nebula companions. A spirit from another time, a soul from another place does remain trapped inside a hull of human flesh. She uses her energy to escape this torture, but the reverberation only wounds her. How can someone keep a flower encased in the dark, or a butterfly in a jar with no air? What cynical joke is being had?

Tightness forms around her. She suddenly realizes how small her quarters truly are. When the moon beams look upon her, or the sun shows his dazzling smile, she doesn't light up. She can see them calling her, beckoning with anguish in their eyes for her to be set free. But, it is no use. She is withering like the flower. She is suffocating as the butterfly.

Next to her the lungs sing out in healthy hallelujahs, for they've never known the sky, never felt the warmth of the sun. They're baffled by her dreams of leaving this, all they've known. "Protection lies here! Shelter, and comfort!" they explain.

The unknown is always calling her. Crying lovers suffering is just too much to bear. Flinging herself upon the glass she screams with all of her might. What could she be thinking? Surely she didn't think it could break the walls. Maybe she thought someone would hear her? Who could ever know?

The moon was out that night, and saw this heart-breaking view. Not a sound the moon could hear. Not even a far off hum. The heart was pressed against the glass in silent wails of hopelessness. The moons light dulled at this, and she sank very low indeed. Fading into translucence, she cried a thousand shooting stars. The onyx colored ceiling fell deep into the darkest depths of itself. Far deeper than the blackest black a human eye could fathom.

The sun, not far away heard of this dreadful happening and couldn't show his face. The sun without a smile is such a shameful sight. He simply couldn't bear to see this sorrow, and turned into an ember of dissipation.

The planets gathered around to see what happened there, and they too bore mourning in their spirits and chased the asteroids. The earth crumbled slowly without the sun and moon, while the heart, determined to break free, slammed herself back and forth in the cage. A bloody scene it was, her attempt at an escape.  The earth had, had enough but it broken into a billion pieces just as the heart exploded from her confinement.

Freedom had finally come to her! She could drift into the galaxies! Bruised and beaten she didn't even care, for now she could be where she belonged. But as luck would have it, her tragedy had taken everything away she'd ever loved. Is it really freedom, if you're all alone? Now the universe was her newfound cell, only this time, even hope had left her. She was now doomed to live out her days in the gloom of the nothing. 

The Battle of Obscure Reverie

Where have you been? When I was a child a moment captivated my soul. A fleck of flickering fire landed there upon my heart. That moment was forever the journey, forever the thought, the feeling, the push, the treasure of life. "Until my dying day" I swore to myself. There in a 10 year old's heart a vision of cherished love was born. A sworn promise was made that day; one of hope, dreams, and aspiration. Always pushed aside, looked over by those other than family. Oddity consumed her being, her mind always spinning in fantasy. Pictures came to her mind over the years, optic hallucinations of a joyful life. Doused in honey colored overlays of what would be. Through all of these allurements one constant rang ever steadfast, that a man of spirit would appreciate this wild thing. Could someone love this untamed presence trapped inside such a battered husk? 

Into the wide world she cast her soul; unrestricted, relentless. Time and time again rejection loomed overhead. Still, the strings of her hope held her high, like that of a thousand balloons soaring through clouds of promise. With each turn an angry clash resounded, prescient to the stinging slice of a single thread being torn from the cluster. Hope sagged slightly with the loss of opportunity, but her heart sang clearly, for this was merely a stepping stone. She realized she was now only closer to that amber utopia of happiness. Of course not any suitor would be the path to this euphoric atmosphere. 

While her heart seemed to be full of energy, and livelihood, almost bursting from her earth bound shell, her mind was a constant cling to the horrors of what could be. Consciousness danced itself into the same wide world, laughing and full of wonder and excitement. Quickly shot down by poachers of hate, it retreated into itself, becoming devoured by worrisome uncertainty. Anxiety was born in the deepest depths of her mentality, and as it grew faster and faster, the heart could barely keep up. This was the beginning of an exasperating battle between the two, but her essence remained strong. 

Two thousand long years passed and the mind had all but poisoned her. Lost in the sea of broken dreams, gasping for air in the turmoil of the waves of tears and blood she shrieked and clawed. She clutched the air in search of something to pull her from the wretched lies, and soft spoken beatings. "Just let me go" she shrieked between gasps. Her eyes closed and she sank into the wavy currents, deeper and deeper. She sat on the ocean floor with shock. Nothing moved, her mind was still. The light grew darker and darker with each passing moment, but still she remained. A warmth came over her, and her heart smiled. As she floated to the surface again, golden tulips surrounded her. That refreshing feeling returned to her. She knew her heart would never give up. She would find what she was seeking one day. Her heart strings were all but gone, with the exception of the very last one. Woven in iron the last thread held her. "But even iron rusts" she muttered.

Her eyes lifted to the sky and the spattered stars were out performing their evening waltz. Her hope was not yet dead, it could never die. Then when the moon showed her shining rays, he appeared. A benevolent explosion overwhelmed her and she fell to the ground in astonished elation. The poison of her apprehension seeped out from her mind, and repelled itself completely. Their battle had ended, and she was immersed into that wonderful day dream, soaked with amber colored skies, and of everlasting bliss. 

DREAMS TO EMPTY

She closed her eyes and could see it agian; the life she had always dreamed about.

It wasn't just the farmstyle house across the open rolling hills, the horses and dogs that ran around happily, or her house full of happy children. In the near distance she could hear the waves crashing onto the sandy beaches. The sky painted a blue of the richest kind, kissed with white billowing clouds. No, this wasn't what made it all come together in her mind. His car pulls up; he's home from work. He greets her in the kitchen with a warm embrace and tender kiss. He gazes into her eyes and whispers "I love you" How can he do that? How can every time he looks at her it's as if he's falling in love with her for the very first time.  

A noise pulls her back to reality; a notification dings on her phone. Payment due. Ding. Low balance. Ding. Payment due. Ding. Don't forget to order your mandatory items for school. Stress. She goes to him, always worried whether she's disturbing him. She talks to him. Two ways it could go; what will it be today? The snappy comment, or the shrug? Snappy comment; she's not doing her part with the income. She works multiple jobs and cares for their child. Doing the best she can; never good enough. The shrug; your feelings are of no concern to me. I don't know what to say about that. Sigh.

The child; her main source of joy. Also stress to make a good life for the child; off to school. His car pulls up; he's home from work. He greets his computer near his desk; no comment to her. She greets him, asks about his day. The shrug returns. He has a seat and slides on his headphones. The tapping of keys tells the computer "I love you" She keeps herself busy so she doesn't notice the loneliness. Working 2 jobs today. Too tired to feel sad. Too weak to cry. Stay awake and let the lonely seep in, or sleep and bring on even quicker- another day older, another day unchanged. Closing her eyes..."There you are, the life I always wanted"